Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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