Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
