Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
