Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize