DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
