I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
