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Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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