Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
