i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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