my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
