The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
