haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
