Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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