is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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