Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
