i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
