He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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