May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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