how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
