it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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