So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
