I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
