his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
