Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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