Christians are straight up FREAKS
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
