We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
