I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
