Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
