Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
