there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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