Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
