We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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