My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
