Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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