Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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