so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
