tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize