I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
