You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
