its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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