sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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