Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I need to calm my uterus...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
