walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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