I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
