cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
