Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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