im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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