There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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