is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
