Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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