That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
