He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
