Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
