I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
