I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
