I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
