between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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