do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
