As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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