I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
