my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
