I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
