i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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