i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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