We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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