I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
