Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
