I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
