He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
