sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
