u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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