I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize