the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
