P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize