quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Fuck appropriateness.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
