oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize